I am not a positive person. I do not see the glass half full, and I do not look on the bright side of things.
Anything that can go wrong usually will, and we’re all going to die one day, so what’s the point?
This has been my mindset for as long as I can possibly remember.
After 25 years of bad luck, medical issues, and financial instability, I found myself in the darkest point of my life. Waking up was a challenge, and every day I felt paralyzed by a dread and unhappiness that I just couldn’t shake. While I was wallowing around with no passion, no drive, and no goals for the future, I looked at the people around me.
My best friends are extremely motivated and driven people, with goals for their future that they have recognized and carved out clear paths to get to. Rather than seeing their motivation and using it as a driving force to inspire myself, it pushed me even deeper into my depression.
How do you discover your path?
How do you find a dream to chase?
Shouldn’t that be hardwired into me at birth?
I felt like I had missed some vital piece of programming in my brain.
After being told, “be positive, it’ll make you feel better,” for the millionth time, I felt like I was about to explode.
Then out of nowhere, I saw a video telling the story of John Hudson Dilgen.
This 15 year old lives with epidermolysis bullosa, a genetic condition that is characterized by extremely fragile skin that can tear or blister with very slight friction. The purpose of the video was sharing this young man’s story, and about how a charity stepped up to build a smart house to help him become more independent and to improve his and his family’s quality of life.
The video showed the pain and struggle that this young man has had to endure since the very beginning of his life, but I was totally unprepared for it to also show the unending positivity and gratitude he carried throughout.
Seeing this young man so happy and grateful for the opportunities he had reminded me of all of the good things I’m privileged to have in my life.
After that video, a switch flipped in my head.
I thought about how my thoughts shaped my reality, and that my negativity was only perpetuating the cycle of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.
I started to think about all the ways that I could change my mindset and what would truly make me happy.
The things that came to mind were becoming more sustainable and finding affordable ways to be zero waste, transitioning into vegetarianism, finally figuring out how to be financially responsible, and being a more mindful and conscientious human in general.
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had goals, ideas, passion, and a drive to turn them into reality.
This blog is the living representation of my newfound intention to be who I know I can be. Change has never come to anyone for free, and I’m ready to do the hard work.
I hope this blog can be both a tool for myself and for you. One where I commit to change and share my journey, and one that hopefully encourages anyone in a similar position and tells them that they too can be exactly who they want to be.
All it starts with is a hard look in the mirror, and a desire to change that’s stronger than your desire to stay the same.